Sexual Assault

Of all types of Family Violence, Sexual abuse is the worst in my eyes. There never seems to be a day that my life is not effected by these attacks. I seem to be better able to put the other types of abuse aside I have suffered, but this one comes back to the surface more then all the others combined. It attacks the innermost part of a person and diminishes the most private part us.

The types of abuse mentioned here were expressed on the page entitled, "My Story." I felt it necessary to cover them further here since they have had such an impact on my life and let the visitors understand this very traumatic type of abuse. I will try on this page of the web site to address the different types of Family and acquaintance sexual abuse. I will focus mostly on the ones I myself have experienced. We know best what we ourselves have experienced. I will give links and share my own experience with this form of abuse.

This page has been one of the hardest to put together. The topic is one which is hard for most of us to come to terms with and find ways to deal with it. After much counseling, I was able to live my life after coming to terms with what had happened to me. However, this does not stop it from replaying when a certain situation triggers a flashback.

Doctors call this Post-Traumatic Stress, and I guess it is known I suffer from this problem as do many who have suffered from major forms of abuse. It happens at unusual times and many times causes me to have nightmares. I can see the attacks as if I were right there experiencing it all over again. This can occur in anyone who has suffered trauma from any form of abuse.

This page will give the visitor my own experience along with helpful resources, support, and encouragement. There is life after this abuse, but it isn't easy to get past it. Through support and encouragement the road to recovery can be made easier.

I hope visitors will gain information and support from this page as with the rest of the web site.

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Sexual Abuse of Children

Children who suffer from this type of abuse become very confused about their own sexuality. They believe themselves to be bad and carry blame for the attacks in their own hearts and minds. These little minds and hearts are broken in a very traumatic way. Many grow up with problems in the way they deal with relationships, and their views on sex changes as a result of these early attacks.

Incest and abuse by family friends are the most traumatic. These are people that share these children's lives. These are people that often care for the children and are suppose to love them. It is hard for the child to put their lives into a normal perspective when they are forced into acts they themselves have no control over.

I know this because at age 15 a close family friend forced me into acts that my 15 year old mind was not ready to handle. It never went as far as rape, but it still resulted in a change to my own belief system. I felt dirty and ashamed. I was forced to allow this man to touch parts of my body which are personal and private. These acts should have been saved for relationships of love and commitment when I was ready in my mind and body. This was a robbery of my self respect and dignity as it is with all young girls and boys who experience these acts of abuse.

What made it worse for me was when I wasn't believed. Too often the child is looked on as making it up. I had to even apologize to the person who abused me. This gave me the belief that I was at fault.

We need to listen to these kids and pay close attention to what is happening around us. Kids living in violence is a problem growing in our country and sexual abuse is the most devastating of them all. We must watch for the warning signs of kids who suffer from any type of child abuse and especially listen when they do finally tell us what is going on.

Knowing the warning signs of this type of abuse can help you spot it in your child or in other children which you may see in your own community. Warning Signs of Child Sexual Abuse

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Date Rape

There was a time when if you were on a date and said no to sex no law protected you. It was said that your agreement to go on the date made you responsible for the outcome. If you were forced to have sex with your date, it was hard to make a case for rape. There were no laws in place to protect the victim of this now known form of sexual assault.

I was only 17 when I experienced Date Rape. I was in a relationship with a boy and was sodomized by him. There was no one to tell who would listen and back then this problem was not recognized like it is today. This happened in 1979, and my life was far from being the model life for normal 17 year olds. I was living on my own and living with the boy who raped me. It went unreported, and it further made me feel ashamed. I began to feel like I was the lowest form of life on the planet.

We chose to go on date to establish relationships that may lead to having families of our own. We think of marriage and kids. We hope to meet that special someone that will fill the void in our lives and love us forever. What we find is abuse of the worst kind. We are violated in the worst way and sex becomes a brutal act to us. To the abuser, these attacks are about rage and violence. Rarely is rape about sex from the attackers point of view. It is the ultimate in control of the victim. To us it is a violation of a private and personal part of us. Once taken it can never be returned. It is something to be shared with the special person we want to be with not to be taken from us by force.

No means No......No one has the right to take our choices from us.

Note to everyone on the Date Rape Drug (GHB) The following links will give you information on GHB and other drugs used for this purpose.. Please read the information and protect yourself. Never give someone the chance to slip this drug or any other drug into a drink. Be careful and make sure to get the facts.

GHB - The Date Rape Drug and Date Rape Drugs

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Marital Rape

Of all the forms of sexual assault. this one is the hardest to prove and is usually associated with domestic violence. It is also the hardest one because it rarely gets reported. A woman will usually report beating, but never mention they were raped by their husband. I know this one all to well.

Living in the relationship with my ex-husband for 18 years, I never saw our sexual encounters as being rape. Yet it certainly is not normal to have to give sex after having a hysterectomy which almost killed me. To me, it just seemed normal, but later after much counseling, I found out it was rape. I was forced to give sex in a weakened state. I said no, but it wasn't accepted. I was expected to honor my wifely duties at any cost.

Living with abuse in the home and knowing what he was capable of, put me into a position where I believed saying no was no option for me at all. I had to do what he wanted and forget how I felt or what I wanted. I lived for him not for myself.

This form of rape is hard to get past. It is said by the world that you can't rape a wife. Well no means no regardless of the relationship. If we say no, it should be accepted. I have never said no when I meant yes. I may have let it happen out of fear, but I still meant no when it was said. I would cry afterward because another part of my life fell under the control of someone else.

For many years I had no control over any aspect of my life. My body wasn't mine it belonged to my husband along with other aspects of my life. I want the visitor to know there are choices and our bodies are ours alone to control. We have the right to say no and have it accepted. No matter what the relationship a person has no right to force sex on another human being.

Look at the important information below on tips to protecting yourself, what to do after an attack, and putting rapists in jail. Take a stand and let the abusers know they can't get away with their crimes.

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After The Attack:
Seeking Protection and Getting Help

Each year, more than 261,000 Americans were victims of sexual assault.

If you or a loved one has been attacked, here are ways to protect yourself from harm:

* Seek safety at a neighbor's house or a public place — wherever you are safely away from the attacker. Your immediate safety should be your top priority.

* Preserve the evidence and notify the police. You may feel like bathing or showering and brushing your teeth. Don't. Also, don't eat or drink, go to the bathroom, douche or change your clothes. This physical evidence of the assault is vital if you decide to report the attack to police. Even if you are not yet sure whether you want to pursue prosecution, securing the evidence will give you the option. Also, try to remember what the assailant looks like; write down all the details you can recall.

* Call someone you trust — such as a family member, friend or member of the clergy — and ask him or her to come over and be with you. Even if you don't want to talk about what happened, it will help you to have a loved one nearby.

* Get medical attention. Even if you think you have no physical injuries, a medical exam at a hospital is important to determine the risks of sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. Ask the hospital to conduct a rape kit exam. This will preserve forensic evidence for prosecution.

* Call the RAINN hot line at 800-656-HOPE (800-656-4673). You will be connected immediately to a counselor at your local rape treatment center. In most cases, the counselor will offer to meet you and help you through the medical exam and police report. She will also guide you through what to expect. Our hot line counselors are trained to understand, listen and help. You can call whether you were attacked 10 minutes ago or 10 years ago. The call is free and completely confidential — you don't even have to give your name if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

* Last, but perhaps most important, remember this: It wasn't your fault. It is common for victims to focus on something they might have done differently, while losing sight of the larger truth: You were a victim of a vicious, violent crime. It will take a while to heal — both emotionally and physically — from such a trauma. But with time and effort, you will heal. We promise.

What to do if someone you know has been raped or assaulted:

* Listen and be supportive. Your friend has been through a traumatic experience. Don't be judgmental.

* Be patient. It can take years to deal with the pain caused by a sexual assault. Let your friend have time to deal with the incident. Let your friend know that professional help is available. Encourage him or her to call RAINN's hot line at 800-656-HOPE. Realize that only your friend can make the decision to seek help. Encourage, but don't pressure.

* Remember, it is never too late to seek help and begin the healing process. Call RAINN anytime, day or night, at 800-656-HOPE.

RAINN is America's largest anti-rape organization, and it operates the country's national rape hot line. Since 1994, it has helped more than 460,000 victims of sexual assault in partnership with 915 local rape treatment center affiliates in 49 states and Washington, D.C. For more information, please visit RAINN.

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Tips to Protect Yourself

Sexual violence is never the victim's fault. There is no sure way to prevent it, but here are some tips on how to reduce the risk:

1. Trust your instincts and act immediately. If you don't feel safe or comfortable in a particular situation or environment, leave.

2. Avoid individuals who don't respect you or your decisions.

3. Do not mix sexual decisions with drugs and alcohol.

4. Learn which behaviors constitute sexual violence and domestic violence. When you're on a date, never feel that you "owe" that person something. Avoid individuals who don't listen to you or respect your choices.

5. Use the buddy system; walk with a friend.

6. Walk near the curb. Avoid being alone in isolated areas, such as dark doorways, parking lots and garages.

7. When you're out having drinks, do not leave your glass unattended. Be alert at all times: Guard against someone spiking your drink with drugs that will make you unconscious — and an easy target for a rapist.

8. When going out with someone new, consider taking along some friends and/or meeting in a public place.

9. Before you get into your car, have your keys ready and check the back seat.

10. If you think someone is following you, call for assistance and/or run toward a public place, such as a store or restaurant.

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