Shane's Memorial

This is the story of an 18 year old young man taken from us way to soon. Murdered by a family member. Another victim in the never ending threat of Family Violence. How many more must die?

March 13, 2008 marks the 4rd anniversary of Shane's Death. We have not forgotten him and we still remember his laughter and his smile. We remember how he brightened up our life for the short time he was a part of it.

He is our Angel watching over us.

Let's all remember those whose lives are cut short by tragedy and abuse.

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I'm Free

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free;
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard Him call,
I turned my back and I left it all.

I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work, or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I found that place at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy--
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss--
Ah, yes, these things I, too, will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow;
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full; I savored much--
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief;
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me--
God wanted me now; He set me free.

(Author Unknown)

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Shane's Life as a Part of Our Family

(Picture above is Shane at his baptism which my daughter and my boyfriend attended. I was unable to attend due to my health, but Shane understood.)

We met Shane after moving to Coshocton, Ohio from another part of the state. He had lost his Dad when he was a younger and had three older sisters. Shane was the youngest and was born later in his mother's life. His other siblings were much older then he was. He lived alone with his Mom, and became an instant friend of my daughter Rachel. His main friends were Rachel, Eric, Morgan, Maggie, Justin (who had been a close friend for most of his life), and Travis (who drove him to school every day from September, 2003, until he died March 13, 2004.)

He was a shy kid, who had a big heart. He couldn't say no to anyone who needed help. He was easily taken advantage of because people knew he wouldn't refuse to help someone in need. He had a love of people and always wanted them to like him. He was always trying to find ways to do something nice for someone. He always tried to see the good in people.

For the whole year of 2003 and until he died in 2004, Shane was a daily visitor to our house. I had to have help in February, and my boyfriend moved in to help me get around and to take care of me. They bonded quickly. It wasn't long before Shane considered me his second Mom, and my boyfriend became another father to him. He became a part of our family. He would come and help if it was needed or just come over and hang out.

The bonds of love ask not if there are biological ties. Some times it is as simple as a warm hearted kid just capturing your heart. I felt as close to Shane as I did the other two children that were mine biologically. He would help when he could, joke around with us, eat meals with us, and even slept on our couch and floor at various times. His shyness disappeared around us, and he became as nutty as we were. You could say, we brought him out of his shell.

In September of 2003, he began taking Auto Mechanics at the Vocational School. He loved working on cars and had redone an old Impala. He was so proud of that car, but it wasn't very economical to drive so he traded it for another car which was easier on gas.

Dealing with MS is hard, but having support and love makes things easier. Shane was a big part of that for me. He was always there when I needed him and would help out any way he could. He helped with trash, helped carry things in and out of the house, took me places when I needed a ride, took others in the household places when they needed it, ran errands, and provided many hours of companionship. We would talk a lot about things that were bothering him, or just gab about anything and everything. We laughed and joked around a lot to. He would bring his other friends over and together with Rachel, would hang out. This house became a regular hang out, and Shane considered it another home. He knew if he ever needed us, we would be there for him. We made it a point to never let him forget that fact.

Shane believed in God very deeply and he attended church every Sunday. My boyfriend (Kevin) and daughter (Rachel) attended his baptism. He had asked Kevin to attend because he saw him as his a Dad. I would have attended, but was having a really rough day. My symptoms get so bad some times that getting out of bed is a real chore. This was one of those days. Shane understood and was glad that they both attended. Travis was Rachel's boyfriend at the time, and he went as well. This was a very special moment for Shane and was one way he could express his belief in the God.

Even when things got bad, he still found time to help others. He unselfishly put others needs above his own, and this would be the concept he carried with him to his tragic end. Even in death, he put another's life above his own.

The problems that lead to his death will be discussed in a later section. This section is a celebration of his life and is the boldest section on this page. It is meant to let everyone know that the power of a person is not measured by the way they die, but in how they lived. He left us far too soon, but his life was a message to us all. His legacy is one of love and kindness. His death is a testimony to just how fragile life is, and how quickly it can end.

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A Senseless Tragedy

How in the world did things get so wrong? A young man goes from happy to dead in just a blink of an eye. Well, that isn't exactly what happened. There were plenty of events that lead to this young man's death.

Once Shane's nephew, DJ got out of jail and came home, things went down hill fast. It would really get bad when he stayed at the house Shane and Shane's Mom shared. It didn't take long after DJ was out that it was clear he hadn't changed while being locked up.

He ended up back on drugs, was constantly taking vehicles belonging to Shane and Shane's mom. He would break them, and Shane would have to pay for them. Shane's money from his Dad's death kept them in the house and made sure they had a place to live. His money paid the house payment. Now he was expected to pay for the things his nephew did. Money he made working many times had to go for these things, instead of, the things he wanted or needed.

Then the violent episodes began. DJ's drug problem and aggression grew. It began with threats, and then DJ acted on those threats a few times. Shane's mom was hit and shoved around. Shane at one point was knocked down steps. So, it was clear this kid, DJ, was getting out of control. Shane's mom and his sister, DJ's mom, didn't take action to try and straighten the kid out. They just let him do what he wanted and many times provided him with the means to do what he wanted. To press charges when he acted violently was not going to happen.

Let me take this time to share an important point. For Shane's mom Roberta and Shane, it was often feared that made things harder to deal with. I think they both realized that doing something to stop this would only make DJ worse. Retaliation would only intensify the anger already mounting in DJ. DJ then would feel he would have to get even. This is many times when the attacker becomes more dangerous. In this case it did happen that way.

Shane was getting more frustrated all the time. He tried to get everyone to take action and do something about DJ. Of course, it didn't happen. The family, mainly Shane's mom and sister (DJ's grandmother and mother), DJ's Parole Officer, and the police did nothing to stop his rampages. I certainly understand that there was a measure of fear involved, but the police and Parole Officer could have done something to resolve that issue. They could have offered protection or just put DJ where he couldn't get to them. Mostly DJ was given the opportunity to do as he pleased, and it made no difference the consequences. There were no consequences. Why would he want to change? Nothing happened to him if he didn't change. He was getting away with it.

He went to court after three failed drug screens and still didn't go back to jail. Most PO'S would have sent him back on a Parole Violation, but not DJ's. DJ would be free to do what he pleased.

Through all of these problems, our home became Shane's place of escape and safety. He came to our house to get away from DJ, and all the problems that surrounded him at his house. Our house was his second home. We enjoyed having him there. We were even planning to get a bigger place so Shane could move in with us. Shane was loved at our house and he knew it.

On Friday, March 12, 2004, things began as usual. It seemed like everything was good with the world. The day progressed without any problems or friction. That is until Shane came over that evening. He told us that earlier that morning DJ had held a gun to his mother's head, and demanded the car. He took the car and left. Shane, after he left our house, took Eric and another friend of Eric's with him to the Sheriff's Office to report what DJ had done. The Deputies went to Shane's house to get the facts, and I guess to get the guns Shane said DJ had there. Shane removed an AK riffle from the car where DJ had left it and gave it to police. They were also told that DJ had another gun he carried with him. I believe this was a 9 millimeter hand gun. The AK was the gun DJ used to get the car form Shane's mom earlier that day. The cops left with the gun, but DJ was never picked up.

Because of this everyone knew things were beginning to get very dangerous, Shane's friends told him he could stay with any of them. He always knew he could stay with us, but Shane wouldn't leave his Mom alone with DJ on the loose. That just wasn't the way Shane did things.

At this point I think we all felt uneasy. We weren't true family members, and stepping in would seem out of line. It would to Shane's mom anyway. If we all were to admit it, a strange feeling passed through us all. I know it did through me, but I just let it pass. I sure wasn't expecting what happened the very next day.

Saturday, March 13, 2004, the day our world was turned upside down. Please understand, I have two children that are biological, Rachel, and her older brother Tim. He is 22 and in college. I have MS and stress isn't good for me. Shane is my third child and another son. He is a very important part of our family and always would be in our eyes. So what happened next would put us all into a tailspin that has yet to slow down.

At about 3:45 PM (Eastern Time), some time in there, Shane called and talked to my daughter. She was the last person to talk to him. (The newspaper said Shane was shot at 4:00 PM.) It wasn't a long phone call, but she seemed OK with it. It was the next phone call that shook us all up. Around 4:30 PM, Eric (another of Shane's closest friends) called to tell Rachel that Shane and his Mom had been shot. Well that was really all we knew at that point. Of course, we didn't have to think hard about who had done it.

When Eric arrived, we got a little more details. Shane was shot in the left side of the chest and Roberta, Shane's Mom, was shot in the head. Both were in critical condition, but Shane was worse off then Roberta. Both were being life flown to Grant Hospital in Columbus, Ohio.

Rachel and Eric left and they said they would call when they had some news. They were heading to the hospital in Columbus were Shane and Roberta were. Everyone was really thinking that Shane would make it. At least those of us here did. I never believed for a second that Shane would die. I just couldn't think of him like that.

My son came down after I told him Shane had been shot. I was in my bedroom. I just couldn't stay out in the living room and deal with everyone. Tim came right to the bedroom when he got to our house. I was talking to him when my boyfriend came into the room. The red eyes gave him away, but I let him say the words. Shane was dead at 18 years old. His life was over in the most brutal of ways. I lost it totally.

The devastation of this incident is not likely to go away any time soon. If you loose someone to natural causes, it is easier to deal with. This was a tragedy that never should have happened.

DJ of course was caught after getting shot by Sheriff Deputies. He was shot during a foot chase. He was taken to, and was under guard by the Sheriff's deputies from Franklin County.

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The Funeral

The funeral for Shane was huge. It was held a little over a week after the tragedy to allow his mother to recover enough to attend. March 23, 2004 at 2:00 PM, the funeral took place. This put everything into complete reality for me. Until this point I don't think it sunk in that he was really gone, but this made it final.

At the cemetery, and after the graveside service, Shane's Mom handed me a red carnation. She had been given the first two and was recognizing me as the other mother. I felt good about the fact I was being treated as a mother to this precious boy, but my heart was broken. I had lost my son in a senseless tragedy, and now it was final. He would have a special place in my heart forever.

Message Of Dealing With Loss

It seems that wherever I go, people come into my life and go out of it -- leaving me only a memory....touching me where I can feel it and I wasn't through knowing them.

How do I know if I'm seeing you for the last time? And how do you keep fairy tales from losing their magic? And so ends an exciting chapter of our lives, but also begins another chapter....and though we must part, we know we can always return to flip fondly through the gold bound leaves of our memory. Fairy tales are the happiest stories we read, and good books are made of little chapters.

There remains so much to say, and yet nothing that really needs saying. You already know... Forgive the tears; they are only bits of selfishness that can be contained no longer. I only wish to keep you a while longer within the boundaries of my immediate life.

And so, thank you for touching my life; for letting me know and love you!

Author Unknown (Given to me by a dear friend, Marlene)

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Justice for Shane
Watching the Wheels of Justice Turn

It was a mind drenching period of time. We were dealing with loss of someone brutally murdered and waiting for his killer to be brought to justice. There had been so many mistakes prior to the killing and we wondered if the killer was going to walk away from his crime with no punishment. If he got punishment, we thought it would probably be a slap on the wrist.

We waited and time seemed to stand still. Finally on Thursday, June 17, 2004, DJ the killer pleaded guilty and was sentenced to life in prison. He will be eligible for parole in about 92 years.

It did not bring Shane back, but it gave us the peace of knowing that DJ would not be able to kill anyone else. At least, Shane could rest.

His life stood for honesty, love, and devotion to those he loved. His death is a constant reminder of the way lives are torn apart by family violence.

Family Violence is causing more and more people to die. We must stop the madness by getting involved. Please, protect your families and communities from tragedies like what has happened to us. No one should ever have to deal with this. I hope for all communities and homes to be safe for future generations. We all bear this burden. We must take a stand to end this madness, by reporting abuse of all types and getting involved. We owe it to our families and communities.

Please, don't set back and think this could never happen to you, because we thought that too.

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